Caribou wisdom.

The whole world seems off kilter when I'm arguing with my husband. And here I sit at Caribou Coffee, blowing off some steam by typing so hard that the girl at the table next to me is convinced there are fire ants on my keys. As I glance to my left, I am impressed by Caribou's promotional coffee cups and how apt their inspirational jottings are for my day today. Scribbled across the bottom of my cup: "Be the first to apologize". Well, you know what, Caribou? I don't want to. Nope - instead I'd prefer sitting here, jamming my keyboard keys into my laptop and reminding myself of all the ways I'm right in this "nothing fight" of ours. My pity party is entertaining me quite aptly this afternoon and I see no need to leave on such short notice.

Ok - you've got me thinking. Nice work.

When did I become so dramatic? And when did I decide that I wasn't going to be the laid-back, selfless, loving, always-uplifting, anything-goes wife I was sure I'd be so long ago? When did I stop being thankful for my husband's unconditional love? The man leads me into each room by placing his hand on the small of my back. He makes me coffee on Sunday mornings. He does the dishes. He calls me "Hotstuff" more often then he calls me by my own name. He tells me how proud he is of me, how smart I am. He studies with me for college exams. He loves my family. He always - always - kisses me goodnight. He vacuums. He champions me. When did this not suffice as "Cherishing me"? I said to him today, "I just don't feel like you adore me". Do you want to know what we've spent an entire afternoon being in a "funk" about? We went to a fast food place for lunch and he didn't ask me - he just went there and parked. I felt I should have been asked…that it would have been more respectful. What a preposterous thing to fight about. Sometimes, I feel like I am just looking for a reason to fight - I'm looking for something, anything, that gives me the right to be mad at him. What is this? It is embarrassing to write these things, because - even as I write - I can see how ridiculous they are.

I'm reminded of the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

The most entertaining part is "the strength to change the things I can" only applies to myself. I can't change my husband…nor should I. I can only change myself - my attitude, the way I respond to things, the way I react and whether I choose to respond the way I "feel" like responding or to respond in love. So, in all actuality, my Serenity Prayer goes something like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept that I cannot change my husband (nor do I need to);

Courage to change myself (and an understanding of how and when to do that);

And wisdom to know the difference.

The best part is, He will. I'm done with my tea latte, I'm typing a little softer and I've been given a bit of a wake up call (thanks to my coffee cup). I'm going to go home and kiss my husband now. What a gift he is - and what a wonderful God that he lets me vent and then reminds me of what's really going on here.

Proverbs 14:1 - The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Choosing the right window.

The kitchen was bustling - because it always is at my in-laws. Lots of food, lots of laughter and plenty of board games. As we all ponied up to the large dining room table for (yet another) game of Sequence I looked out the living room window across from me. What a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were fluttering around and the trees were just beginning to bud. Easter weekend is my favorite. The house was full of chatter and family. All I could think of at that moment was how blessed I am to have married into such a sweet family. Staring out the window as the cards were dealt, my thoughts were interrupted by - "Woah, look at those clouds!" My brother-in-law was staring out the kitchen window behind me, eyes wide. I turned around only to find heavy, dark rain clouds rolling in. I turned back around and stared out the living room window across from me. I was fascinated: there were no signs of a storm - just a beautiful Spring afternoon. Again, I turned around in my chair to look out the kitchen window behind me - dark, dreary and heavy. It was the same day, the same yard, the same weather at that very moment - just two different views.
We face this same scenario in life. We are constantly surrounded by beauty. New life, beautiful people, and joyful moments surround us at all times. In those very same moments frustration, weariness and sadness loom about. There is no way around it - our lives hold both extravagance and depravity. Our choice is this: which one will we look at? As children of God, there is always hope, we have constant access to joy, our source of love is ever present. So, there is always a window bursting with sunshine to peer out of. We also live in a world full of sin...of yuck. We can, by all means, spend our days focusing on this and drudging through it with each step... but there is no hope in this. Instead, we can choose to - knowing this is around us - see the beauty.... the life... and God's hand in it all. This isn't a cheap suggestion to only see the good, to ignore the bad or a suggestion that ignorance is bliss. It isn't. It is just ignorance. I am not here to suggest that we pretend that there aren't bad things happening around us but, rather, to focus on the fact that God is working in it all. Because we serve such an incredible Savior, we have hope in every situation. We have access to joy at all times - He is our joy. It is the knowledge that behind those heavy clouds, the sun still shines... it is still there. Such is the love of my Father and the hope I have in Him. No matter what is in front of me, He is still there.
I am choosing the better view.











Philippians 4:11-13
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

James 2:2-4
My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.

Christian.

Before I post my next entry, I want to talk about my most recent post (Christian?). I haven't popped on the site in a while and when I did this morning, I read through that post again. As I did, I noticed something: there's a hint of judgment present. This is never my desire - "Just lest not you be judged". I am no one to judge, it's not my place, my responsibility, my desire or even, ultimately, my ability.
What is humbling about that post is that, in my heart, I had no desire to place judgment and yet - months down the road - when I read it from the outside, I see the undertones. This brings to my attention the fact that I can be judgmental and possibly even hurtful without trying to be. It makes me realize how much I have to rely on Jesus to be like Jesus. Only He can point out to me those little hints and undertones of emotions I never intended to hold in the first place.

I really love the way Father God works... gently and lovingly changing my views... molding my thoughts... growing my understanding. I am seeing more clearly that these two groups I mentioned in my "Christian?" post are possibly just two parts of the body of Christ as opposed to two sides of the fence. Just as we are all called to "one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all" (Eph. 4:4-5) We are the body of Christ and we are called to be one body. So maybe these two "types" of Christians are really two parts of the body that God uses for different purposes within the body of Christ and to call others to Him.

I realize more and more every day that I know fewer and fewer of the answers. That just means there is so much more growing to do - which is exciting. I love God's gentle reminders to leave judgment and criticism at the door. I am to be clothed in Love because I, also, am covered by His love and saved only by His grace.

Thank you, Jesus.

"I want you to get out there and walk - better yet, run!- on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline - not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, on faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift."
Ephesians 4:2-7 (The Message//Remix)

Christian?

Something has been on my mind for the last 6 months or more... I can't quite get it all figured out... but here is where I'm at:

What does it look like – in life – to be a Christian? I know I’m tackling a big subject and I don’t expect to ever quite fully understand it. I feel, however, that I should have an understanding of what side of the fence I am supposed to be on. There are 2 (if not 2 million) groups who, called Christians, live very differently – their focuses are much different. I am drawn to one side of the fence… the one I do believe shows a far better representation of Christ… but I don’t want to lose sight of some of the essential truths held by those living on the other side.

There is the group I have found familiar and whom, I know, is living for Jesus. I know this is what matters, which is why I am not here debating which of the groups is “saved” – but which one is more representative of our Savior and the way He wants us to live. First, let’s talk about the people who, when you think of “Church” in America, are standing in the picture that pops in your head. They don’t do anything “minimally” – big worship, big churches, big events, big groups of friends (where you “know” everyone, but you don’t know anyone all that well), big, Big, BIG. But, along with this “mega” concept comes some MEGA contributions – huge amounts of money going into missions, huge differences made in communities, massive amounts of opportunity for those searching for truth, and some seriously mega confidence and boldness in telling people about Jesus.

Now let’s talk about the other side. The people living on this side of the fence are living a life that just “is” Christian. Smaller churches (sometimes...not always), smaller groups of friends... lots of friends, but the gatherings are sometimes smaller – close knit and loving. Nobody has closed doors but things just seem to naturally remain personal. Life isn’t full of huge events where millions are saved – but small parties, intimate coffee chats, movie nights and dance parties - where lives are slowly changed. Love is the rule of thumb and acceptance is natural – and real. Relationships are built and remain long term. This is the group I want to find myself in and the one I am more drawn to; the one who, in my mind, more closely represents Jesus.

So, where’s the problem and what is the discussion? It seems like, when I commit to the relationship-based view of Christianity, “talking” about Jesus is less of a norm. This isn’t the case for everyone else living this way, but for me. I don’t find that I ever really talk about Jesus, what He is doing in my life or how much others need him – to people who aren’t Christians. I talk about it often with other Christian friends– it consumes many conversations. But, I don’t find myself talking to non-Christians about Jesus. When I do, all I think about is the “Big” way of doing things. It’s like talking to others about Jesus automatically connects to “mega-church” and transfers me from “being” like Jesus to “acting” like Jesus. This isn’t true – we are supposed to talk about Jesus, aren’t we? At the same time, I know that the relationship side of it is where God’s heart is and where the action takes place. But where is the middle ground? I always think about one of my favorite quotes of all time. St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the gospel at all times -- If necessary, use words." This is the way I want to walk – the way I want to live my Christian life. And, although living the Word is the main focus, I don’t want to be afraid to use words when necessary.

God, help me to figure this all out. Where is the middle ground? Help me not to judge those who don’t walk the way I do and help me to understand the way you want us to walk as Christians. Lead me and guide me. I want to be like you.