Christian?

Something has been on my mind for the last 6 months or more... I can't quite get it all figured out... but here is where I'm at:

What does it look like – in life – to be a Christian? I know I’m tackling a big subject and I don’t expect to ever quite fully understand it. I feel, however, that I should have an understanding of what side of the fence I am supposed to be on. There are 2 (if not 2 million) groups who, called Christians, live very differently – their focuses are much different. I am drawn to one side of the fence… the one I do believe shows a far better representation of Christ… but I don’t want to lose sight of some of the essential truths held by those living on the other side.

There is the group I have found familiar and whom, I know, is living for Jesus. I know this is what matters, which is why I am not here debating which of the groups is “saved” – but which one is more representative of our Savior and the way He wants us to live. First, let’s talk about the people who, when you think of “Church” in America, are standing in the picture that pops in your head. They don’t do anything “minimally” – big worship, big churches, big events, big groups of friends (where you “know” everyone, but you don’t know anyone all that well), big, Big, BIG. But, along with this “mega” concept comes some MEGA contributions – huge amounts of money going into missions, huge differences made in communities, massive amounts of opportunity for those searching for truth, and some seriously mega confidence and boldness in telling people about Jesus.

Now let’s talk about the other side. The people living on this side of the fence are living a life that just “is” Christian. Smaller churches (sometimes...not always), smaller groups of friends... lots of friends, but the gatherings are sometimes smaller – close knit and loving. Nobody has closed doors but things just seem to naturally remain personal. Life isn’t full of huge events where millions are saved – but small parties, intimate coffee chats, movie nights and dance parties - where lives are slowly changed. Love is the rule of thumb and acceptance is natural – and real. Relationships are built and remain long term. This is the group I want to find myself in and the one I am more drawn to; the one who, in my mind, more closely represents Jesus.

So, where’s the problem and what is the discussion? It seems like, when I commit to the relationship-based view of Christianity, “talking” about Jesus is less of a norm. This isn’t the case for everyone else living this way, but for me. I don’t find that I ever really talk about Jesus, what He is doing in my life or how much others need him – to people who aren’t Christians. I talk about it often with other Christian friends– it consumes many conversations. But, I don’t find myself talking to non-Christians about Jesus. When I do, all I think about is the “Big” way of doing things. It’s like talking to others about Jesus automatically connects to “mega-church” and transfers me from “being” like Jesus to “acting” like Jesus. This isn’t true – we are supposed to talk about Jesus, aren’t we? At the same time, I know that the relationship side of it is where God’s heart is and where the action takes place. But where is the middle ground? I always think about one of my favorite quotes of all time. St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the gospel at all times -- If necessary, use words." This is the way I want to walk – the way I want to live my Christian life. And, although living the Word is the main focus, I don’t want to be afraid to use words when necessary.

God, help me to figure this all out. Where is the middle ground? Help me not to judge those who don’t walk the way I do and help me to understand the way you want us to walk as Christians. Lead me and guide me. I want to be like you.