Apparently, it's not supposed to be all about me.

Gosh, this learning stuff kind of bites sometimes.  Especially when I'm learning this humbling fact: I can be quite selfish.  The good thing, I guess, is that I'm catching myself in it.  Hopefully that means I'm going to change.  That's probably up to me, though, isn't it?  What helped me to recognize my random acts of selfishness was a conversation with...you guessed it... my bf.

He was running into a problem with something at work.  It was nothing huge, by any means, but we had talked about it and I threw out some ideas on ways it could be fixed.  He liked the ideas and is even putting some of them into action.  So, when the two of us were talking about the situation with my roommate the other night he explained the fix... but never acknowledged that I came up with it.  It kind of bugged me...I won't lie.

This is the part where I (should) slap myself.  Selfish much?  Who cares who came up with the idea... or if said person gets acknowledged.  It's not like I came up with a Nobel Prize-worthy solution, for goodness sake.  And it hit me... just like that...  Apparently, it's not supposed to be all about me.

But where's the tension?  Where is the line that I am supposed to tread between acting in complete selfishness and getting walked all over.  I mean, no worries - right now I'm dancing on the selfish side; I can't even see the line yet.  But when I reach it, how do I keep myself from becoming someone who has no personality, is weak and doesn't speak up for fear of sounding too selfish.  I guess I'll cross that bridge - or not cross it - when I reach it.

I feel like my friends and family are split into two on this issue.  Some are telling me, "Relationships are just hard.  Just love and don't think about yourself.  That selfless love will pay off with beautiful love in return."  While others assure me that, "You have to make sure you're okay and you can't always be worried about everyone else.  It's okay to be frustrated.  You can't be the perfect girlfriend."  Which one do I choose?  Or can I be both?  I'd really love to perfect this and walk the line between selfishness and selflessness.  But maybe there is no line to tread.  Maybe I should just be dancing on the selfless side - careless and assured that my Father will work things out.

It appears I've still got some learning to do.