Hope deferred...

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"  (Proverbs 13:12)

I feel as though I epitomize this verse.  At the moment, unfortunately, I seem to only fulfill the first half.  For a long time I blamed so many things.  But I am now learning that "hope deferred" only points to a problem with my own point of view.  Depending on where my hope is, it should really never be deferred.

It's amazing what happens when you hope - so longingly and desperately - for something.  It's ridiculous, really.  It begins to consume you - thoughts, emotions, decisions...  How is it that a longing for one thing can be so powerful?  And why can't I seem to choose what I long for so desperately?  My flesh seems to always choose... and win.  I really hate that.

I am shifting focus.  I have to.  I don't think it's possible to live life with your hope constantly deferred.  It's crushing.  It's honestly excruciating.  Eventually, I think a person would just crash.  But there is hope.  Jesus - my rock - is my hope.  If I put my hope, my desire... my longing in Him I am guaranteed hope fulfilled... my longing fulfilled.  Jesus is my tree of life.  When my hope is resting in Him I can fulfill the second half of that verse.  I want my life to epitomize that!  I want to live with a healthy, fulfilled heart.  One that is fueled by the tree of life.  I want to walk to the beat of my Father's heart.

I wish it was as easy as just saying it.  Wouldn't that be convenient.  But, no.  I now have the opportunity to change.  I can shift my focus and seek my Father with all that I am.  In doing so, I will not be disappointed.  I can't.  God will not break His word.  He can't.  He knows the plans He has for me - they are ones with hope and a future.  I will not be disappointed!  (Jer. 29:11-12)

It's hard when you look back and see that, somewhere along the line, you put Jesus into 2nd priority.  I'm realizing that now.  I never meant to.  But I don't think that's where it happens.  It doesn't happen when you mean to - it's trickier than that.  It happens when you don't expect it at all.  It takes work to keep Jesus as top priority - as your source and your life.  But the more we seek Him the more we find Him...the more we find Him the more we love Him.  It's a promise.  "If you seek me with all of your heart, you will find me."  He promises.

Thank God for hope.  What a beautiful promise.